|Personal Quote: "6 inches is average, 2 inches is Gods mistake."|
Ode to BurritoBurrito Ultimo with chicken pleaseOde to Burrito by eenapower
I order you
You look like a fat tortilla
But inside are yummy surprises
You are delicious and cooked well
I love you
You make it ultimo
You also make it ultimo
I don't care much about you but you aren't bad
You give it lovely flavor
You all live together inside the tortilla
You die together too
Because I eat you
You go nicely in my mouth and my stomach
You are big and tasty
Chew chew chew
This piece of onion is too big
I won't eat you
You are the only problem
Curse you for making burrito ultimo imperfect
Sadly you are almost gone
I enjoyed you
I leave behind a little piece
If Kelly was here she would finish you
Okay, so I had a baby, and a lot of friends and family have been asking how it went. SO here's the whole story...
It was 5:27am Friday morning on August 30th 2013, that I woke up with a contraction. It was like a light cramp, that only lasted 30 sec, no big deal. At this point I was 40 weeks and 4 days, so I laid in bed to see if I would have another one, and sure enough, 15mins later, another contraction. Since they were so far apart, I didn't want to wake Andrew . I also new I had a doctors appointment at 9am so I thought I would wait it out. I got up and took a shower; which woke up Andrew; and tried to get dressed.
They started getting harder and closer together around 7am so I shot my mom and sister a text, and told them I'd keep them posted. at 8am they were about 6 to 5 minutes apart, so I called the OBGYN and asked if I should still go to the 9am appointment. She said yes, and they would see how far I am.
SO, we drove to Kaiser Permanente, contractions getting worse as we went. We saw a bassinet on the freeway, and I said "It's a sign!". Andrew: "That you'll give birth on the freeway?", me: "What? No! That I'll give birth today!". So we got there, and we waited about 15 to 20 minutes before she came in, I was really starting to hurt at this point and my contractions were 3 to 5 minutes apart. SO, she came in and stuck her fingers in me to see how dilated I was, IT HURT A LOT! You really wouldn't think it would but FUCK did that hurt! Anyways, I was at 3 centimeters. and She said, "Well let's get you over to the hospital." And she rolled me to the birthing wing herself. We were shock to see how fast this was going.
As we rolled in, I the back of a familiar head, it was VIRGINIA MARY GLADWIN CNM! She is the midwife I've been seeing in my Thrive In Parenting classes for the last 9 months, and I really wanted her to deliver my baby, but the chances of her working in the delivery room of my hospital were not high. She saw me and she was all smiles, and told me it was fate.
We must have been the first people to come in that morning because we got the sweetest birthing room, that was also a corner room, so we had a lot of privacy. YAY! They gave me an I.V. but not enough tape for it I thought. Andrew shot a text to the main people, and a group message to some friends, telling them NOT to call or text back, that we would let them know when the baby is out. THEY DID NOT LISTEN!
The main nurse taking care of me was named Carla. She was super sweet. She had me lay down, and she strapped me up to see mine and the babies heart rate, which was normal. She asked if I wanted an epidural, and I said HELL NO! Ginny came back in to see if I was really at 3 centimeters. OUCH! And yes I still was, and a minute after that my water broke on the table. It was warm and wet, but not at all like pee, and there was a lot of it.
Ginny left, and Carla watched my levels. And we talked about how her 8 year old son and I both have PDD-NOS, so she asked me a lot of question on how to help him with it. I was glad to be of some help while laying in pain.
My sister got there first, giving Andrew time to step out to move our car and get our bags. At this point it was about 1pm. Contractions were 2 to 3 minutes apart at this point, and really starting to hurt. So I was walking around as much as I could to try to move things quicker. After every contraction I did the elephant walk.
Carla came back in to check me out, I was at 6 to 7 centimeters, and FUCK was I hurting. She put a mild muscle relaxant in my I.V, which does nothing for the pain, but helps relax my muscles between the contractions to help me not to push to soon. The pressure in my B whole was so fuck hard it was really hard and painful not pushing. BUT I COULD NOT PUSH! I have to be at 10 centimeters before I can start or I could swell.
So I started to curse a lot, and loud. Carla ask if I could not curse so loud 'cause it my upset the other pregnant people, and I said that they will have to fucking get over it.
My Mom and Dad got there and came it to see how I was doing. All I said was, "Hi, now get out."
As I lied there moaning in pain I ask Andrew to talk. He had been mostly silent through this whole thing. He didn't know what to say, and made the mistake of saying "How about them Dodgers?" the fraise that my dad says when he thinks a fight is going to start that pisses me off a lot. I started yelling at him, "YOU FUCKING ASSWHOLE! YOU FUCKING ASSWHOLE! YOU FUCKING ASSWHOLE!!!!!" My sister then said "Now may not be the best time to quote dad."
My Mom came back in later to help out, I don't really remember much other then pain, Mom giving me ice chips, Katie wetting my head, Andrew letting me pull on his shirt and bit him, while looking all worried, and me snapping at people.
Carla came back in to check me, and what would you know, I'm at 10 centimeters, and it's time to push, finally! And of course, everyone's phones started to ring. WTF!?!
Andrew took one leg and Katie took the other, and once a contraction hit, she told me to push for 10 counts then breath, 10 counts then breath, 10 counts then breath, and then wait for the next contraction to come. That went on for a few minute while the other nurses came in and started setting up.
Ginny came in the room all dress for the birth, and took Carla's place. So Carla took one leg, Andrew on the other, my sister Katie pushing my back, my Mom at a birds I view, counting to 10, and me pulling myself up with these hand bars and pushing as hard as I could. Which hurt a lot less to push then sit through the contractions. It was a lot of rectal pressure, like taking the biggest poop of my life.
They asked if I wanted a mirror to see, and I said hell no! Ginny had me turn to my side to birth, and I held my right leg. the took my hand and had me feel the head coming out, which was wet squishy and hairy. They asked how it felt and I said GROSS!
At this point my I.V popped out, and the nurse started to panic, Ginny said, "well, to late now" like it was no big deal, which did not seem to make the other nurses feel better.
I closed my eyes and kept pushing till Ginny said Beth LOOK! And I saw half of the baby out of me. And then Ginny said "Give me your hands" ME: "What?" Ginny: "GIVE ME YOUR HANDS!" I put my hands out. Ginny: "Now grab the baby and pull it to your chest" ME: "WHAT?" Ginny: "Grab the Baby!" I grabbed the baby. Ginny: "Now, PULL!" And I pulled the baby out of me and brought it to my chest.
It could a few seconds, then cried a little, then stopped and opened it's eyes. It looked everywhere at everything, with a WTF look on it's face. Ginny then said, What is it Daddy? And Andrew said, It's a Girl! And I said, Miss, you are grounded, and then she poop on me.
I could feel the cord coming out of me, it was weird, Andrew then cut the cord, and I had to push out the placenta. They took the baby, to check and make sure she's okay, and I saw that my big belly was GONE! Freaky. Then they pushed on my belly to get out more stuff and stitched up where I tore. eight stitches, internal. But to my surprise, I did NOT poop.
Ginny lifted up the placenta to show me, and DAMN, that was cool! It looked like a pod from Aliens. Then someone spilled the tin of blood all over the floor, it was funny.
The baby was born on August 30th 2013 at 4:34pm, and was 7lbs 15.2oz and 18.5 inches. I was in labor for 11 hours and pushed for 30 minutes.
The rest of our stay every nurse kept coming over to tell me I'm a badass for not getting an epidural. It seems that everyone gets and epidural to the point that I was a side show.
On August 31st (Andrew's little bro Nick's Birthday) we named our first born Fiona Faye Alcala.
All in all, it was about 9 on the pain scale, but I would do it all again for her.